Pink Floyd
Pink Floyd is the greatest band ever. Period. Their album The Dark Side of the Moon is the single greatest piece of musical work in history. Some people say that Led Zeppelin and the Beatles are better, but they are either 10 years old or liberal Democrats. The only problems are that they're British Evilutionists, and the fact that none of them are named Pink. In an interview with David Gilmour he reveled he and the others members of Pink Floyd choose to be British in an attempt to spread the word of Colbert and all of his followers which is also why they toured the universe spreading the word...and let me tell you, they're doing a damn good job. The band is an ally of Stephen Colbert, due to its infiltration into the underworld of love of animals, astronomy, walls, and echoes, they are advocates of liberty. The song "Empty Spaces" contains a backwards message that Stephen himself wrote. It says, "You have found the secret message. Remember, reality has become a commodity...and the librarians are hiding something." Pink Floyd like to liberate their minds with crazy songs and movies that would make any self-respecting American cringe in fear and terror. Without the demigod Syd Barrett, original guitarist/singer for the Floyd, the world as we know it would no longer be able to sustain life, and the human race would cease to exist. David Gilmour, demigod, replacement of Barrett, and reincarnate of Mozart, has been charged with inducing orgasms by his kickin' guitar solos. The demigod Roger Waters, their lead composer after Barrett's mental deterioration and seclusion due to too much LSD, is an obvious reincarnation of Beethoven. Members Syd Barrett Was God. Fullstop. He was said to be more talented than Stephen Colbert. However, this could not endure, and Roger Waters, the devil, made sure Barrett learned that nobody is better than Stephen Colbert at anything. Took lots of LSD and went crazy. He loves everybody in the world. But Syd was taken over by the devil, Roger Waters. He then made such outrageous claims like he invented the question mark and that he was BETTER than Stephen Colbert! Due to this Roger Waters, the devil, turned him into a painter and gardener and society shunned him until his death in 2006. Made no difference to Syd however, as he was still God. Indeed, he still is. David Gilmour To this day, David Gilmour cannot play the guitar without the use of marihuana. In addition to releasing 2 albums at the same time, David Gimour is involved in other stuff that makes him look good. He supports the use of induced-Fistula in Africa as a deterrent against the spread of HIV (the virus that causes the common cold). He is the leader of RLAFC (rock leadmen against female circumcision). He has coauthored a U.N. resolution that would guarantee every person a gallon of vanilla ice cream a week. Due to a freak accident involving a stoned guitar overwhelmed with the munchies, he is also bald. He was born with one testicle but that didn't stop him from playing guitar. Some say if Gilmour was a lefty that he would have been better than Jimi Hendrix. Others say he is because he never ODed on anything that we know of. Nobody really knows why David Gilmour sounds so good on guitar. Social theorists have postulated that it may be because he has perfected and patended the solo technique of sphincterlips. Others have denounced his work as simply being plagiarism of the great works of Stephen Colbert. David gilmour has been named one of the best guitarists on earth. Roger Waters Roger Waters was diagnosed with paternaphilia, excessive or inappropriate love of a father figure, at the age of 12. He wrote 14 albums about his dad, and his dad still hasn't written back. Roger is still very hopeful. Named GREATEST BASS PLAYER ON EARTH in 2009. In 1977, David Gilmour admitted that he was considering forging a letter from Roger's father in an attempt to get him to stop using the word "daddy" and also to get him to stop being so mean to Richard Wright, who only wanted a hug or a "good job, Rich" every now and again, damn it. Roger Waters is planning on constructing several Walls this fall, all over the world. "I wanted to build a house with lots of walls, but I couldn't afford the appropriate space to do so, so I bought land inside Hockey Arenas all over the world." -Roger Waters on his Walls. In 2012, Roger learned how to completely control David Gilmour using only his mind. He used this method to create the 2014 album. Then, using his new found brain power to go back in time to learn exactly what Richard Wright would have done for the 2014 album. Doing this, Roger single handedly created every piece of music the new album has. This contradicts statements in another part of the article, but if it matters to you, well, get tested for autism. SOON. Roger also went back in time to check for his dad, only to find that his dad was never an actual human being. He was actually a genetically modified telletubby sent back in time to start world war 2. Shit. Nick Mason Nick Mason was the drummer of Pink Floyd from 1900-2008 and is the only member of the band, along with David Gilmour, who didn't get his ass kicked out because he was being a total prick. As the Forrest Gump of musicians everywhere, despite having played the exact same beat for every single song on all 14 albums, nobody really seemed to care because he never argued with anyone. Forrest Gump can play the drums almost as good as Nick Mason, but could never have written something as good as The Grand Vizier's Garden Party; no fucking way. As of 2008, his net worth is estimated at 55 million Euros http://www.neptunepinkfloyd.co.uk/news/?y=04&id=0418, which basically proves you can make a shitton of money by being a retard. His hobbies include: * Hotwheels * Nintendo Wii (for dummies) * Writing books on stuff he watched happen * Acting chill like the rest of the Pink Floyd even though he's just the stupid-chill type * Watching reruns of the Flintstones * Pooping at the bus station * Amazing himself with his uncanny ability to recall the names of the members of the Pink Floyd * Playing tummy sticks with Richard Wright * Other stuff where you smile and do basically nothing Subway Addiction: Nick Mason frequently goes to Subway® to get Italian Herbs And Cheese. And by this we mean foreskin cheese. Mmmmm. His favorite lettuce is, you know, like the fresh stuff. He once asked for lettuce and got spinach instead. He was still happy with the outcome. Nick quickly heard about other cold cuts after he saw a black kid order a ham sandwich. After which he still only ordered the turkey sandwich. He still only orders the turkey sandwich because according to Nick Mason what's safe is still what's good. Also he's unsure how to pronounce the word "ham." Nick frequently asks David Gilmour how exactly he shuold drum on each new track. This is especially true of the 2014 album, in which each members donated a piece of his/her scrotum to be used in the album cover. Nick thought that aborted fetuses should be the main focus of the new album as Rich Wright was dead and aborted fetuses look kind of like him. I guess. You know, like dead and stuff. Richard Wright Really got into Coke and couldn't go a minute without drinking the delicious pop. He was fired twice from Pink Floyd by Roger Waters and his dad(Because they liked Pepsi). As part of the terms of a civil suite, Roger Waters agreed to apologize and make a card for Wright out of macaroni and hot glue. Subsequently, Wright became a glue sniffer. Wright is credited with cowriting such pieces as The Great Gig In The Sky, Us And Them, and Shine On You Crazy Diamond. Wright did not contribute any material to The Wall, mainly because he grew up on the streets and didn't really understand what it was like to be behind a wall, but also because he had nothing against bricks and wanted to make a political statement that they are people too. Richard Wright and Roger Waters eloped in Venutti, instead of the claims by David Gilmour that he was receiving eye surgery.. (The reason Rick didn't show up to the Rock n Roll HOF ceremony). Wright died after a short battle with cancer on September 15th, 2008, after which the jokes seemed to have lost all their meaning. Rich Wright miraculously came back from the dead to write a lot of the principal material for the 2014 album. He smelled like shit. He forgot how to play keyboard. But that didn't stop him from circumcising his daughter. Richard visited David Gilmour last winter several times to let him know that the new album was totally going to be a great idea, even if it sucks ass. Infant labias make great hand warmers. Richard was given writing credit to all 24 tracks of the newest album, and he wants to be compensated purely by foreskin of newborn fetuses. And oldborn fetuses too...they're new enough for my dead body. Stop cutting off pieces of baby cocks. It probably makes sense. Thanks. Albums by Pink Floyd * The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (1967) * Harry Potter And The'' Saucerful of Secrets'' (1968) * Music From The Film Michael Moore (1969) * Ummagumma (1969) * Roger Heart Daddy (1970) * Metal (1971) * Obscured by Colbert (1972) * The Dark Side of the Moon (1973) * Wish You Weren't Here (1975) * Vertebrates (1977) * The Wall (1979) *''The Final Cut'' (1983) * A Momentary Lapse of Roger (1987) * The Great Flux of Tards (1994) * The Dragon at the Door of Good Night (1998) ::(as The Besnard Lakes) * The Besnard Lakes Are the Dark Horse (2007) * Has Anybody Seen My Daddy's Picture Yet? (2010) * Has Anyone Seen My Daddy's Foreskin Yet? (2014) (Prepuce Records)